Le Coca Cola n'est pas un moyen de contraception.

http://www.cyberpresse.ca/vivre/sante/200812/18/01-811468-le-coca-cola-nest-pas-un-moyen-de-contraception.php

J'espère que c'est clair.

Good deal?

Canadian Government leaflet, taken from a Centre de Services Canada.

Your computer is slow

Today, even the installation wizard decided to remind me about the speed of my countryside internet connexion:
(I wish to precise that this snapshot hasn't been modified in any way, that's how it was during the installation!)

Holy Discovery

Oh yes, Alleluia!

I finally found it, guys!
It was on Claudio's wine shelves.

The problem is that it ain't coming with

the glass.

Jonathon Chavingston Seagull

Sidling outside the cinema for a sly roll-up in between shifts and my eyes are caught by a perculiar sight, or to be more precise, several perculiar sights. There is one across the road strutting on top of a bin. Another harrasses a smaller group of allies with a vocal screech that sounds like Cher trying to pass a kidney-stone. Above me I see one's face perched on the roof of the cinema, giving me an evil stare, while far in the distance I hear the sound of many more, a flock of them, moving ever more hastily towards the rally.
Now I hear their words; pitched from their gullets in a dull cadence that rings out like the flat buzz of an old telephone. I find it hard to decipher exactly what theyre talking about but recurring words constantly crop up. Words like 'innit', 'am I though?' and 'lend us two's'. In a crescendo of noise, the word 'daakheaddd' is chanted, over and over again, until it reaches maximum volume and all hell breaks loose; car alarms go off in all directions, dogs howl into the night sky, lights flicker in terraced houses and a dark omninous cloud manifests and looms over the street.
As the calamity reaches a head I begin to witness the transformation that seaside towns like mine have always feared. Long have I suspected the connection which is taking shape, as hundreds of tracksuit wearing Chavs mutate before me. I tremble in fear as eyeballs reduce in colour and shape until they are small, black and perfectly circular. I gawp out loud as mouths extend out, being replaced by a long orange beaks. My knees give way as giant graceless wings rip through the backs of Lacoste hoodies and rise high in the air like the hammer of Zues, then begin to flap aggresively one after another. While doing so their distented torsos' stick out with ignorant pride and their smooth white heads, no longer housing the delicate perch of baseball caps, jitter from side to side.
Then the unified cry returns as one by one, giant Chav Seagulls take to the sky and fly away, leaving in their wake a landscape of terror and destruction. Society's scavengers have merged together and in one horrible act become more powerful than ever.
As the flock flies in the direction of the South Bay Arcades their sound can still be heard echoing through the empty streets: 'daakheadd'...'daaakheaaaadddddd'...'daaakheeeaaadddddddd'.. untill it slowly fades out into nothing and all that remains is our very own fear.

A CALL TO ARMS!

Today I'm writing about an 'issue' that is dividing the nation. Such is so that it has become apparent that something must be done to stop it. We see it on the front pages of such noteable broadsheets as The Express and The Mail everyday. We fear for our communities, our job security and our national identities. Everyday we are faced with losing part of our country to a mass influx of strange people with strange faces. Many young families are now too afraid to go outside their homes in case they are confronted with these horrid 'alien' like creatures, barking their homegrown nonsense speak across to eachother in busy shopping malls and town squares. It has also been confirmed recently that the rumours are true: they are even setting up their own businesses!
Many of you have I'm sure already guessed of whom I'm referring to. That's right.. ORANGE PEOPLE. yes, ORANGE PEOPLE!. I'm talking about people like this: (viewer discretion is advised)










What is going on with civilised society when we allow our men and women to parade themselves in such a way? Seriousley, my eyes are offended daily by these monstrosities. As I walk down the street I find myself repeatedly ducking out the way of a giant orange beacon hurtling along the pavement, gabbing on her mobile in a tone of voice that can only be compared to a seagul choking on a battered sausage. God Almighty!

So I'm writing this article as a manifesto:

No more will we have to fight for our own culture in our own country!
No more will we feel uncomfortable taking our own children out of the house at the weekend or to pick them up from school during the week.
No more will have to come face to face with these monsters!
We will rise up with our God given right as Englishmen to deride, humiliate and socially ostricize those who stand out from the rest, and see it to them that they never tarnish the aesthetic pleasures of our urban landscape again!
I thankyou

Be healthy!

In 2008, I'm going to do something to improve my wellbeing!
I'm going to drink Coca-Cola.

No joke, look at this!

Diet Coke PLUS Vitamins or Anti Oxydant;

A little plus for my vitality and wellbeing!

A little plus for my hectic lifestyle!

I can't resist to do myself some good, so I get two bottles of the divine elixir.

Does it taste like Healthiness? Let's try.

(Your host doesn't back off in front of any risk! I like to live dangerously, indeed.)

Slurp.

" Carbonated low calorie green tea flavour soft drink with vegetable extracts with sweeteners plus green tea & antioxydant vitamin C ". That's what it really is, a bit less appealing isn't? The drink itself tastes like flat coke with some iced tea cordial added in it, which seems to bring the digusting aftertaste of sweeteners well in front of other flavors.

" Carbonated low calorie soft drink with vegetable extracts with sweeteners plus vitamins ". That's the vitamin one. It has a weird note of melon in its taste.

Now, Let's put on our scientific goggles. If my Coke contains vitamins and antioxydants, does it still contains all that rubbish that is said to cause cancer ectaetera? Is that "rubbish" really bad for you?

Colouring (Caramel E150d): The International Programme on Chemical Safety (IPCS), despite widespread claims that caramel is toxic or carcinogenic, has found no evidence of carcinogenicity or mutagenicity in its extensive studies.

Phosphoric acid, which is used to give a tangy taste, is linked to lose of calcium mass in bones and kidney problems. Conclusion of some studies says that it's not because people drink coke, though, but because they don't drink enough milk. (Which is likely when you down your 2L bottle of coke during the day, eh).

Sweeteners: those used in Coke are Acesulfame Potassium and Aspartame. Acesulfame is recognized as safe; In the case of aspartame, some studies suggest that there is a link between it and headaches, brain tumor and lesions, and lymphoma.

Preservative (potassium sorbate): Is a mild preservative and is not recognized as harmful or toxic.

Flavorings the primary flavoring ingredients in a cola drink are sugar, vanilla, cinnamon and caffeine; Caffeine, as we know, can cause unpleasant physical and mental conditions if ingested in large quantities.

Also, it is known that most soft drinks, diet or not, have an acidic PH, which leads to tooth degradation faster.

So, in conclusion, Diet soft drinks are not as harmful as people might say, and they'll do no harm but have a strong taste of sweeteners, if taken in moderation. Which is not an encouragment to go and buy yourself a 24-pack of Vitamin-added Coke. What about a fruit salad?

Enough said, I'm giving up coke and getting myself a gin & tonic.

Obviously, Coke products are © Coca-cola corporation. All the images are © me.